CHRISTMAS
by Flyleaftwin
Summary: A festive story with our favourite couple using the letters of Christmas to tell the tale. Written for IchiRuki monthly Secret Santa 2014.


Written for Ichiruki Monthly Secret Santa on Tumblr. Enjoy and Merry Christmas! :)

**Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Kubo**

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><p><strong>C. H. R. I. S. T. M. A. S.<strong>

**C**rackers

Ichigo ran his hand roughly through his hair as he set down the parcel he'd just wrapped. When his father had suggested inviting a few of his shinigami friends over for Christmas he'd assumed it would be one or two of his closest nakama not what felt like all of soul society. 32 presents, that's how many parcels he'd had to go out and panic buy and then frantically wrap. It was already late Christmas Eve and by the time his father let him know the situation the only shop left was the garage at the end of the street. He really hoped nobody minded getting car air fresheners as part of their present, the likely hood was that the majority of shinigami wouldn't even have any idea what those green pine scented trees where anyway.

"_It won't be that bad!"_ His father had told him earlier in the day, he really doubted that.

He looked at his bed that was void of all presents but one, a single Christmas cracker that he had made himself. It didn't have a tacky orange hat in it, or a ridiculously unfunny joke, what it did have was something much more valuable and much more terrifying. It was all Ishida's fault he concluded as he picked the violet and silver tinted cracker up carefully in his hands. He said he should do something romantic, something spontaneous. Ichigo wasn't all that good with spontaneous unless it came to the battlefield, there he could be very impromptu but when it came to his love life, he tried to play it by the book or risk loosing it all. He thumbed the tag, the name _Rukia _just visible as he set it back down on his bed and stood up stretching lithely as he did.

The sound of the doorbell rose him from his thoughts and he sighed heavily once again. It was going to be a long night. The sounds of yelling reached his ears as Yuzu came bursting into his room.

"Ichi-nii, your friends are fighting with daddy already," She said as Ichigo groaned loud enough for all of the occupants of the house to hear.

"Dammit they've just come through the door. Alright I'll go break it up, could you bring my presents down for me? Thanks Yuzu," He said as he left the room as quickly as possible, he heard something smash on his way down from the rooms below and he resisted the urge to punch a hole in the plasterboard.

Yuzu gladly picked the presents up surprised by how light they were, her eyes caught something shiny from the corner of them as she turned to leave. _Huh _she thought as her gaze caught sight of the cracker Ichigo had left on his bed, _Dad probably left that there for Ichigo in an attempt to get him into the Christmas spirit I'll bring it down and leave it with the rest. _She picked it up and managed to balance it along with the rest of the gifts and left the room. She never noticed that the nametag had fallen off it.

**H**ollows

As it turns out so many strong spiritual pressures in one place - despite all being in gigai's provided by Urahara for a _small_ fee of course - attract nothing but hollows.

Ichigo spent more time out of his body than actually in it while the people in his house got steadily more inebriated. How that many people could fit inside such a small home was beyond him but he found himself glad of the constant flow of hollows. Though of course it was cutting into time spent with Rukia, and the fact that he was growing steadily more nervous about his choice of Christmas present.

"That's another one," He said aloud as he dropped back down to earth with a heavy thud, as he casually slung Zangetsu over his back. "Hopefully that's the last of them," He added as he let the bindings on his sword rewrap themselves.

"You do realise you're talking to yourself don't you?" Ishida asked as he dropped down from the roof of a neighbouring house dressed completely in his white Quincy uniform.

"Shut up," Ichigo groused back as he turned to his friend, "And where the hell have you been? I've had to put up with these damn shinigami by myself for the last hour!"

"Did you forget Kurosaki, Shinigami are my enemy," The young Quincy answered whilst pushing up his glasses. Ichigo's face deadpanned.

"You're kidding right? You're not still singing that line are you? You've spent more time helping the shinigami than I have!" Ichigo answered incredulously enjoying how flustered his words made Ishida. There was something satisfying about watching the Quincy squirm.

"Yes well that may be the case but still," Ishida grumbled in response, Ichigo couldn't help but laugh aloud.

"What a coherent argument," He rolled his eyes, "Come on lets go, maybe I could get you and Orihime under the mistletoe I'm sure my Dad has hidden somewhere." The normally pale Ishida turned bright red, _too easy, _Ichigo thought with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Screw you Kurosaki," Ishida answered roughly but Ichigo didn't miss how his pace quickened back towards the house. He was about to retort when the unmistakeable roar of a hollow pierced through the air. Ichigo cursed loudly, this was going to be a long night.

**R**ukia

When Rukia had walked in with Renji and her brother two hours before Ichigo swore his jaw literally hit the floor. He was stunned at her appearance, he'd never seen her in that dress before, the sliver silk clung to her body and made his eyes almost pop out of his sockets. Two years he'd been with her and it still felt like the first time every time he saw her. He knew he was drooling slightly; Ikkaku had only too readily pointed it out. As a result he spent the next twenty minutes picking cherry blossoms out of his backside, damn that Byakuya.

"There you are," A voice said behind him as he sat on the roof outside his house. The hollows had thankfully stopped coming about an hour before and he'd been challenged to at least 13 drunken duels before he'd managed to escape out onto the roof. He smiled before he turned around.

"How on earth did you get up here in that dress?" He asked as he pitched his head slightly towards the owner of the voice, she was smirking wickedly at him.

"I have my ways," She answered before coming to sit beside him, her legs tucked daintily below her as she looked at him. "You alright?" She asked her voice betraying her concern. He laughed and put an arm around her pulling her close.

"I'm fine, just needed to get away from the crazy for a while," He told her as she snuggled into his chest, her hair brushing against his cheek.

"My brother thanked you for his present by the way, he wants to know though what's the point of the tiny tree that smells like cherry blossoms? Renji tried to eat his, he said it tasted funny." Rukia mused as Ichigo bit his lip to stifle a laugh. Trust Renji to try and eat it, he was surprised the bandana wearing shinigami didn't get sick.

"I'm glad he liked it," Ichigo answered once he was sure he wasn't going to laugh, laughing would only incur Rukia's wrath and a strong punch to the gut. He liked her when she was pliable like this in his arms; the softer side of her was definitely preferable to the ball busting one. "I've got something for you too, but I'll give it to you when we're alone," He coughed in his throat slightly at how _bad_ that sounded. But if she noticed she made no comment on it. Instead she kissed him lightly on the cheek before standing and brushing herself down.

"I also have something for you, but we _definitely _have to be alone for me to give it to you." She told him before she winked sultrily at him; he couldn't tear his eyes away from her retreating form. He swallowed thickly, oh yeah it was going to be a really long night.

**I**ce

When the group ran out of Ice and Ichigo offered to go with Chad over to his place to get more it was really just another excuse to escape the house. Why Ikkaku, Yumichika, Rukia, Renji, Rangiku and was that Hitsugaya!? Had to come was beyond him.

"You know it would have been quicker with just the two of us." Ichigo groused as they took a shortcut through the park to get to Chad's place. He was currently giving Rukia a piggyback, as she couldn't walk in the heels Orihime had made her wear.

"Yes but we wanted a chance to stretch our legs." Rukia pointed out as she rested happily against his shoulder.

"Really?" Ichigo asked incredulously, "Because you're not really stretching your legs are you? I'm doing all the work." He should have expected the hit to the back of the head. "What the hell Rukia!?" He complained as he stumbled slightly, "What If I had dropped you?"

"I would have killed you," She replied simply as he straightened up again. By the time they reached Chad's; Ikkaku and Yumichika had somehow managed to find food from somewhere and were eating happily.

"Where did you get that from?" Renji asked wistfully staring at the rice balls.

"We have our sources," Ikkaku replied with a mouth full of rice as Yumichika casually flicked it away. They waited outside as Chad headed up to his apartment and grabbed the bag of ice while Ichigo stretched his back after setting Rukia down.

"Give me share!" Renji demanded as Chad re-emerged and they started to head back.

"No get your own," Ikkaku growled in response as they entered the park.

"Don't be greedy come on!" Renji half begged half ordered. Ichigo sighed a fight was about to break out.

"Cut it out you two!" Hitsugaya said roughly as Renji dived on Ikkaku spilling the food as they both landed on the ground.

"My money's on Ikkaku," Rangiku told the group as they watched the two shinigami roll in the dirt.

"Guys you better quit it before someone calls the cops!" Ichigo shouted while readjusting his grip on Rukia.

"Relax Ichigo, no-one is going to call the police," Rukia laughed at his ear and he rolled his eyes.

"Hey what's going on over there?" A voice yelled across the park and the whole group froze looking over the grass to see two police officers with a torch staring at them.

"You were saying?" Ichigo asked grouchily before Renji jumped off the floor and yelled "Run!"

"Hey get back here!" The cops shouted as they chased after them.

It took an hour to escape the police and by the time they made it home the ice was a puddle of water. Ichigo leaned against the wall attempting to catch his breath. He'd ran for an hour carrying Rukia on his back and whilst she wasn't heavy after a while it was still more than enough carrying her weight as well as his own.

"Couldn't you have just made Ice captain?" Rangiku asked casually. Ichigo dropped his head against the wall; this was going to be an extremely long night.

**S**hinigami

Shinigami and Christmas did not mix. Somehow the non-alcoholic eggnog had been spiked with something that tasted suspiciously like sake and now Ichigo had a house full of drunken shinigami. Izuru was naked, well naked down to his fundoshi, which really wasn't all that fun when the blonde lieutenants butt crack was on view for everyone to see. He'd almost cried when Orihime had taken pity on Yuzu and Karin and invited them to stay with her for the evening and they had left around midnight. They just missed Hisagi deciding that he also wanted to join the naked party. Soon no less than 7 shinigami had stripped down to their underwear and where strolling around the house singing a Christmas carol that they were desperately getting the words wrong too. If Ichigo ever had to see another butt crack it would be too soon.

"For goodness sake Renji put your clothes back on!" He half yelled as Renji strolled past him in nothing but his jocks, Ichigo resisted the urge to gouge his own eyes out.

"Oh leave him be he's happy," Rukia said as she folded her arms and watched the drunken show, thankfully she had forgone drinking, she was bad enough without the influence of alcohol.

"How can you say that? It's disgusting!" Ichigo moaned as he attempted not to gag, he definitely did not need to see Kenpachi's underwear riding up his rather hairy butt crack.

"I think it's rather amusing, though your face is kind of making it," She told him as he reddened some more.

"You hate me don't you?" He groaned as he dropped his head against the wall.

"You know that I don't," She laughed lightly and he couldn't help but agree with her. "Besides they aren't totally naked, shinigami just like to let their hair down some times."

"And their pants?" Ichigo grumbled under his breath.

"They work hard they deserve to relax." Rukia added as he sighed heavily normally an indicator that he was accepting she was right.

"Okay, I'll just ignore them." He said watching Izuru and Hisagi playing with their pine scented air fresheners "They aren't doing any harm I guess I ca- No!" He yelled loudly, "Those don't go on there!" He shouted as the two shinigami tried to put their air fresheners somewhere they definitely shouldn't go on a person's lower anatomy. It was going to be a really really long night.

**T**rouble

"Hey what are these?" A now fully clothed Renji asked Ichigo who was nursing a sore head; he cracked open one eye to look at the redhead.

"Christmas crackers, you grab one end and someone grabs the other end then you both pull and it explodes-"

"Sounds kinky," Matsumoto cut across him with a wink, Ichigo ignored her and continued.

"There is usually something inside it and whoever ends up with the bigger half gets the prize." Ichigo finished while a few of the shinigami's eyes widened.

"A prize you say?" Renji asked with a gleeful face, he was envisioning new glasses, a bottle of sake, maybe a bandana. Ichigo could see his imagination written all over his face.

"The stuff in it is usually crappy little plastic toys so don't get ahead of yourself." Ichigo smirked knowingly causing Renji to growl at him.

"Whatever I knew that, can we pull them?" He asked almost childishly and Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"Yeah sure knock yourselves out." He muttered before standing to his feet and dislodging Rukia who had been leaning up against his side, she grumbled in complaint. "Sorry I want to grab my jacket," He told her as he made his way out of the room to a cacophony of snapping crackers.

"Hey Rukia pull my cracker!" He heard Renji say on his way out but Ichigo merely laughed as he took the stairs two at a time dodging the few shinigami who had spilled out into the hallway. He got to his room relieved that the place was void of dead spirits and grabbed his jacket. He was just about to leave when his eyes subconsciously roved to his bed to check on Rukia's present. His heart literally dropped into his stomach and his eyes widened in terror.

It was gone.

His present.

His very expensive, very personal and very intimate present.

Was.

Gone.

The sound of laughter filled the air and his struggling mind started to put the pieces together, the tag must have fallen off, he could see it on the floor. Yuzu brought the presents down stairs; she must have thought it had got there by accident. She put it with the other…his mouth dropped open in horror. She put it with the other crackers that an entourage of shinigami where currently pulling open.

He sprinted out of his room taking the last few stairs on his butt as his foot slipped from under him.

"Ichigo what the-?" He heard his Dad ask as he rushed past him and into the living room were all of the crackers had now been pulled. His life was officially over.

"Hey look Ichigo I got a ring," Rukia said as he turned with horror stricken eyes to look at Rukia. She was showing him a cheap tacky yellow little ring that only someone of her size could actually get on his or her finger. His panic was not alleviated at all. Someone in this room knew his darkest secret. His money was on Byakuya; he'd just love an excuse to kill him.

"Look here everybody! Ichigo come here son, you look like you need kiss!" His Dad yelled while dancing around the room holding something in his hand, Ichigo clenched his fists and tried to calm his breathing. This night wasn't just long it was also hell when he caught sight of the mistletoe his father was holding.

**M**istletoe

His dad tried to ease the tension Ichigo was now dealing with by forcefully grabbing him, tying him up and blindfolding him. He'd been made to sit in a chair and told to sit tight as the mistletoe was undoubtedly placed above his head.

"Don't worry son, you'll like this!" His father promised and Ichigo was filled with utter dread, whenever his dad said this it usually ended badly for him. "We'll give you hints and you can guess who it is!" He cried cheerfully as Ichigo desperately tried to free himself.

"They're small." A voice that sounded like Urahara's said, of course he would join in on his sadistic fathers game.

"They have black hair," Another voice chimed in, was that Ishida? Oh he was so dead when he got free. Short and black hair, he almost smiled at least a kiss from Rukia would cheer him up. Sure enough he was gifted a small and very hesitant peek to the lips. It wasn't even long enough to constitute a kiss but hey who was he to complain?

He managed to free a hand and pull his blindfold up. Even the hollows in Hueco Mundo could feel the murderous wrath that flowed from him when everyone erupted into a cacophony of screams of laughter as he realise that the small black haired person wasn't Rukia as he'd hoped, but rather a very sheepish and apologetic looking Hanataro. He nearly blew a hole in the roof from a rogue wave of spiritual pressure.

**A**nger

Ichigo always knew that he had anger issues and tonight was no different. It was with much satisfaction when several groups of partygoers decided to leave him and what little remained of his sanity bidding him a merry Christmas on their way out. There was nothing merry about the night he'd just had and even after putting his fist through the wall he still didn't feel any better.

He decided to direct his anger elsewhere by searching each and every cracker remaining for his present instead. Some cheap plastic toys were left behind and more jokes and hats than he needed. He read one of the crappy jokes and scoffed somebody had used one of the pens they'd got in a cracker to scribble out the butt of the joke and amend it slightly.

_What's orange and sounds like a parrot?_

_A carrot__. Ichigo!_

He scrunched the piece of paper up whilst simultaneously shaking with repressed anger. He was never _ever_ going to throw a party and invite these people again.

**S**urprise

The party ended for good after the police were called for the second time and Kenpachi was arrested for challenging random people in the street to a sword duel. Ichigo rubbed his pounding head, clearly alcohol, shinigami and Christmas were a deadly mix. He didn't even want to contemplate how they were going to explain Kenpachi disappearing from police custody when he emerged from his gigai.

"Hey, why you sitting in the dark?" Rukia asked coming in dressed in a pair of shorts and Ichigo's Nice Vibe t-shirt, she looked beautiful like that he decided.

"Couldn't be bothered moving," He replied lowly as she settled down crossed legged in front of him her hands reaching around to pull something out from behind her back.

"What to pull the last cracker with me?" She asked as his eyes widened. It was violet with silver decorations on it, his cracker, the one he'd made. "Your dad gave this to me earlier on and said that I should save it to pull with you." Ichigo bit back his smile; sometimes that crazy old man wasn't all that crazy.

"Uh yeah, I'll pull it with you." He grinned as she offered one end to him while she gripped the other tightly in her slim fingers.

"I haven't won a single one of these yet." She said a steely determination entering her eyes that he couldn't help but find cute.

"Is that right? Well don't worry I have a feeling you'll win with this one regardless of the outcome." She frowned at his confusing response but said nothing as he swallowed thickly, tensed his jaw and shook his head. "On 3?" He asked and she nodded readily. He pulled before he even started counting knowing she was going to cheat and do the exact same thing. She laughed in acknowledgement, as she pulled as hard as she could until the cardboard snapped apart and she was left with the bigger half. He smiled nervously as she cheered in success.

"Oh yeah!" She laughed before sticking her fingers into it to see what she won. "Look Ichigo I won a…" Her voice died away when she pulled the small velvet box from the confines of the cracker and the little message that came with it. The piece of paper only held four hand written words and she felt her mouth dry as she read them. Ichigo held his breath waiting for her answer.

_Will you marry me? _

She looked up at him her eyes shinning and wide as she shakily pulled open the lid and gazed upon the sparkling diamond ring inside. Her smile widened and he instantly felt at ease.

"Will you marry me?" He asked mirroring his written words.

"Yes." She replied. Before kissing him firmly and passionately on the lips. He knew the others were still there, waiting, he could hear them cheering through the window but he didn't care, maybe his dad was right, maybe this night hadn't really been all that bad.


End file.
